Whether you're trying to work through the impact of an affair, have become like roommates, or feel like you're constantly failing in the eyes of your partner, I can help you to heal and connect. If you feel like you have the same argument over and over, I can support you to find your way out of the loop and into mutual safety, security and intimacy. Even if you're just getting started in your relationship or planning to get married, EFT couples therapy will guide you towards the best beginning possible!
I will help you to feel safe so that you can open up and share what's really going on underneath all the frustration and disconnection. I will assist you to be more aware of what's happening within yourselves as well as what's happening between you. Sex can get better too because when you feel safe, you can play!
We all fight about the same things: parenting, sex, money, jobs around the house, in-laws, etc. but what really matters is how we fight. The research clearly demonstrates that getting caught up in the content of fights is what gets us stuck in never-ending loops whereas learning to explore the feelings that are experienced and expressed when we fight helps us to connect. EFT provides me with a structure for sessions so I can help you to understand how you are getting stuck in your relationship as well as learn how to talk about problems in a new way that draws you closer together.
As depicted above, the Koru (Maori for "loop") is a spiral based on the shape of a new unfurling fern frond and symbolizing new life, growth, strength and peace. The circular shape of the Koru helps to convey the idea of perpetual movement while the inner coil suggests a return to the point of origin.
What to Expect...
The three of us will meet for one session altogether first. Then, I will meet with each of you once individually to get a little more family and relationship history. Then, we will meet altogether again and discuss whether couples counselling is the best option for you at this time. If it is, we will go over a plan for our ongoing work together and what else you can expect.
On a personal note...
I love to learn about human connection and grow as a person. I enjoy riding bikes with my husband Matthew and walking our dog Charlie. I look forward to small gatherings with our two adult children, Joshua and Natalie, and other extended family and friends.
I am also trained in EFIT which stands for Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy. I work with individuals who want to improve their couple relationships but their partners aren't ready to attend counselling. This is a relationship-friendly form of individual counselling.
Are you looking to learn more about EFT? Are you on the certification path? I provide EFT consultation services and would be happy to work with you. Please contact me to discuss this further.
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.
~ David Viscott
Dr. Sue Johnson is the primary developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy for couples which has demonstrated its effectiveness in almost 50 years of peer-reviewed clinical research. She wrote Hold Me Tight and many other books.
She says, "Love is no longer a mystery. Emotional attunement and responsiveness are the keys to secure bonding. Love can last long term if we learn how to connect emotionally. Every challenge you face together makes the bond of trust and love between you stronger."
EFT is based on John Bowlby's attachment theory which suggests that we all have an innate need to feel close to others. It's normal to want to feel good enough, appreciated, and like a priority to our partners. We have such intense feelings when these needs aren't met because our partners are so very important and special to us!
In fact, the research demonstrates how we need a secure emotional connection with our partners in the same way that we need oxygen; we depend on it for survival! Just as a baby depends on its parents, adults need someone to turn to and rely on emotionally throughout the entire life span (from the cradle to the grave). Our brains are literally wired for human connection.
Our mental and physical health, including immune function, are stronger when we have this type of emotionally accessible, responsive, and engaged connection. We need to trust that our partners will be there for us when we need them in order to feel whole and function at our best.
"Vulnerability defined as being "open to attack" or "weakness" is too limiting. It is more than just the dark emotions like fear, shame, grief, sadness and disappointment. Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. It is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy and creativity."
~ Brene Brown